Venezuelan Land Pirates

Apparently ownership documents dating back to 1830 count for nothing with those jumped-up Venezuelans; they have confiscated a British-owned ranch. I expect that Vermin rotter is at the back of it.

While I applaud the concept of giving fallow land to poor people, I deplore the concept of government-sanctioned land piracy.

And once again, these people have no fashion sense.

The Pirating News

It seems the late tragedy of the Asian tsunami cut back on the numbers of pirates in the Malacca Strait.

However, some pirates recently overpowered a... tugboat? and took some hostages.

Well, they have to start somewhere.

Shipped, Mates!

Such exciting news: the terribly nice and clever people at the publishers have decided to release dear captain Gus' book early from durance vile, or whatever it is they call literary limbo. I have been informed via my rather dim chum that I shall soon receive my copy of Pirates of Pensacola.

I suppose we had better get cracking around here and get that Book Club meeting scheduled. I wonder if the author (the true one) will be making any appearances? I suppose not, as Great Britain undoubtedly has extradition treaties with a number of inconveniently friendly former British colonies in the Caribbean.

Drat. However, it appears that my dim chum may be able to get her paws on a signed bookplate for me. We shall have to play spies and arrange a blind drop. It wouldn't do to have Nelson, or those bad hoodies that were after that Keith person know our home addresses. The information could be tortured out of them, and then we could receive many unsolicited pirate software and pharmaceutical emails.

I shouldn't mind so much about the unsolicited pirate emails so long as it was really about pirates and buccaneers and privateers and persons bearing a resemblance to either Johnny Depp or Errol Flynn offering to send one artistically posed photos.

No, that I shouldn't mind at all. But I do think it's a rather large temptation to put Nelson in charge of collecting everyone's addresses. For one thing, he might send out some of those "pix" of which he boasts. Still, I'd prefer Depp or Bloom or Flynn there, and no mistake. And for a n'other thing, he might show up on one's doorstep and expect unlimited drinkies and a free berth. And unless he were chaperoned by Flarq would not...

Well.

If Flarq were along, I suppose he'd keep Nelson in check and keep the very strange Nigerian banking chaps from getting the addresses. And we did wonder of Flarq might be interested in the position of "impressively well-built doorman with oiled muscles" that we've kept open here at the Shoppe for him.

There is not much else to report, my dears, except that things have been very quiet around here since those very loud, rude travelers left. The next batch began arriving a couple of weeks back and they've been quite delightful.

The first to arrive were two American gentlemen from somewhere deep in that part of the country where subtitles are apparently required for their countrymen to understand them. Dead useful, those subtitles. I can't think how it's done but yellow letters float in midair, translating every word and obscure countrified idiom they utter. And they are such nice blokes, and very handy with tools and mechanical things. They keep the McFinsters busy, what with the brothers handing them spanners and all. Pity the McFinsters can't really read a scrap, but they communicate by pantomime. Quite amusing, really; I've taken to sitting on the back terrace of an afternoon with a hot toddy as the mimery is ever so entertaining.

The next to arrive were two rather spectacular looking blonde ladies. They turned out to be surprisingly down to earth and friendly. They keep to themselves and seem to be either pining for absent friends, or contemplating yet another (!) tatoo.

Most recently, two very attractive and smart gels arrived, speaking fluent Spanish. Actually, they got in very late indeed and I had all but given up their rooms, but they called from a transport cafe about 3 hours away and explained they had taken a wrong turning. They seem to be newly-minted vegetarians; they requested meatless entrees but strike me as "newbies" when it comes to eating Green.

The two American gentlemen seem to be very happy for the company but are rather sweet and shy; for all that they seem quite solid and good-hearted souls. I have heard no dire warnings about screaming, blue-haired gentlemen but there has been a lot of talk about one young man whose machinations seem to rival those of the clever revolutionaries that threw out all that perfectly good tea in his home city of Boston many years ago in the late, late, late, late war.

In any case we seem to have a happy company of fellow travelers. And soon enough we shall be adding to the collection of tomes in the Gentlemen's Club Room (which also functions as a Library) with dear Gus' opus.

A Former Guest Comes Out Against Whale-Killing

My dears, I absolutely couldn't make this up if I used both hands, shut my eyes tightly, crouched down, and made a vigorous "pop-pop! pop-pop!" noise:

Avi: So when we got eliminated, the woman who took care of us - her name is Meredith Rabitzsky - or, actually, she has a new last name because she just got married, but she has a line production credit if you ever get to watch the credits as they flash by - but she took care of us. And I told her, 'There's one thing I want to do before I leave Iceland.' I said, 'I'd like to eat puffin.' And so the next day when we were basically lounging around, Joe and her went into town and they found a restaurant for me to eat puffin. And that gave birth to the sequester event, which is, Will Avi Eat It? And everywhere we went, there was something where the game was, Will Avi Eat It? And I still think the craziest stuff I ate was in Iceland. I did eat puffin, and although I am a true, true animal lover and a true, true environmentalist, I honestly thought there would never be another time I might be able to eat this, so I did try whale meat.

Interviewer: Oh, my.

Avi: And let me just say, and you can put it in print, they shouldn't be killing these creatures because they're sentient and they also really don't taste that good. Don't believe the hype.

Interviewer: [laughs]. It's not good on any level. Right?

Avi: No. It just goes to further show that there's just no reason to be killing these creatures. Really, I don't know what the Japanese are thinking.

There you have it: whale-killing is bad because they are sentient, thinking beings and also because they don't taste that good anyway.

The rest of this most delightful charming interview is on the site via the link thingy. I have a sneaking suspeeeecioun that the rugged New Zealander and his company will soon be sending some new guests our way. They may drop dark hints about "Sequesterville" or "Sequesteristan" but you may be sure that...

Oops. I should like to quote my favourite author (after Gus, of course):

"First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

With the exception of the dear Bard and our other legal friends, of course.

In any case - whale will not be on the menu here at the Shoppe.