My darling chicks, what better way to pass the time of a Monday evening? I suggest you start by asking him to show us his knickers.
4 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Gus Openshaw is a killer. I'm serious. The way that man kisses. Even in his teens he could knock a gal to her knees. With those killer kisses. ANYWAY.... Being married and a father of eight never sat well with Gus. A shot gun wedding and a rush to the delivery room was not his nor my idea of the perfect honeymoon. (Even though it was HIS Mama holding the shotgun) But giving him credit, he hung in there with the diapers, the baby bottles and such things as the tiny plastic barbie shoes you trip over barefoot, in the middle of the night, on your way to the bathroom. I don't know many men that could do it. In fact I'm begining to think men aren't cut out to have children. They are a handful. And the babies only add to the work. But for what ever reason the Lord saw to bless us with more than our share.
So it was understandable, that the first chance this man got, he escaped. Oh, he had his career what with the cannery and all. But you could tell by his obsessive tiny bottle ship-building, that he longed for the salty air and the sway of the deck beneath his feet. Who would of thought it would have come to the head it did? When his Uncle died and left him that cabin by the sea, he was off like a rocket. Little did I know there was another woman involved. I had never failed to please Gus in the babymakin' department. We had that down and then some. So I don't think he was after another bed partner per say, just another way of life. Now there are some that would say Gus fell head over heels for this gal. So say it. I know what I know to be the truth. Being close to the ocean, working with his hands (he had two at that point) and NOT having a dirty diaper to change was the main draw. So when these two, Gus' second wife and he, had another little Openshaw..... well he really wasn't as pleased as you'd think. Suddenly he had started another family, had become a bigamist and was looking at being tied to the land for a second time. I'm not saying the accident was his making...after all how could you rig anything that strange and as yet I don't think we've developed direct communication with whales. Even though the episode was straight out of Ripple's Believe It Or NOT...I was the one thing that spooked Gus the most. Having caught wind of Gus' where-abouts and his new "so-called bride and son...", I, Edna Openshaw was there on that fateful night as well. The whale didn't take his arm.
I did Arriving at the cabin and rushing in through the door, just in time to see that tiny baby and a not so attractive woman with cellulite thighs, being gulped down the huge throat of a whale shocked me. But more shocking was the sight of my husband in a house with not a sign of any of his underwear discarded on the floor anywhere! He picked up? For her? My rage was uncontrollable and totally understandable.
I told myself later I was merely aiming for the whale's snout. Trying to fight for the life of the baby and the over-weight woman with split ends and dyed red hair with black roots. But the chainsaw I grapped, luckily plugged in and within my reach by the front door, came in handy. For me, not Gus.
He was disarmed. And the arm itself disappeared into the huge beast's mouth following his "wife" and "son." I rushed Gus to the hospital. I was the one by his side night and day as he fought for his life. Listening to him call out for "Baby Augie and what's her name." Out of danger and still in a coma, I left him there. Not knowing he would awake and having blanked out his first wife and family, take to the sea in search of this villian and his arch enemy, the now famous "blubbery-bastard."
I don't blame Gus for blanking me out. Me as well as his eight first born. The term unforgivable comes to mind. So be it.
Evidently he and his blubbery sub-concious have choosen to forget Edna.
God, help me if he ever did remember. Then he'd probably REALLY be mad at me.
after that bit of history, i'm pretty sure no one wants to be on your bad side; i was nervous enough when i realized i'd mixed up a restraining incantation with a love charm.
altho gus worked in the cat food industry, i've lost track of how many lives the man has gone thru to this point. and considerin' the jam he's in at this moment (mr. dan bein' *way* scarier than mo'fritterford or the tortolan navy), why bash the maybe-soon-to-be-departed? *pushes the bottle towards miz edna* the mcfinster brothers said to tell you whatever you have is on them. only, i wouldn't suggest you go out for sushi with them.
4 comments:
Gus Openshaw is a killer.
I'm serious. The way that man kisses. Even in his teens he could knock a gal to her knees.
With those killer kisses. ANYWAY....
Being married and a father of eight never sat well with Gus. A shot gun wedding and a rush to the delivery room
was not his nor my idea of the perfect honeymoon. (Even though it was HIS Mama holding the shotgun) But giving him credit, he hung in there with the diapers, the baby bottles and such things as the tiny plastic barbie shoes you trip over barefoot, in the middle of the night, on your way to the bathroom. I don't know many men that could do it. In fact I'm begining to think men aren't cut out to have children. They are a handful. And the babies only add to the work. But for what ever reason the Lord saw to bless us with more than our share.
So it was understandable, that the first chance this man got, he escaped. Oh, he had his career what with the cannery and all. But you could tell by his obsessive tiny bottle ship-building, that he longed for the salty air and the sway of the deck beneath his feet. Who would of thought it would have come to the head it did? When his Uncle died and left him that
cabin by the sea, he was off like a rocket. Little did I know there was another woman involved.
I had never failed to please Gus in the babymakin' department. We had that down and then some.
So I don't think he was after another bed partner per say, just another way of life.
Now there are some that would say Gus fell head over heels for this gal.
So say it.
I know what I know to be the truth.
Being close to the ocean, working with his hands (he had two at that point) and NOT having a dirty diaper to change was the main draw. So when these two, Gus' second wife and he, had another little Openshaw..... well he really wasn't as pleased as you'd think. Suddenly he had started another family, had become a bigamist and was looking at being tied to
the land for a second time. I'm not saying the accident was his making...after all how could you rig anything that strange and as yet I don't think we've developed direct communication with whales.
Even though the episode was straight out of Ripple's Believe It Or NOT...I was the one thing that spooked Gus the most.
Having caught wind of Gus' where-abouts and his new "so-called bride and son...", I, Edna Openshaw was there on that fateful night as well.
The whale didn't take his arm.
I did
Arriving at the cabin and rushing in through the door, just in time to see that tiny baby and a not so attractive woman with cellulite thighs, being gulped down the huge throat of a whale shocked me. But more shocking was the sight of my husband in a house with not a sign of any of his underwear discarded on the floor anywhere!
He picked up? For her?
My rage was uncontrollable and totally understandable.
I told myself later I was merely aiming for the whale's snout. Trying to fight for the life of the baby and the over-weight woman with split ends and dyed red hair with black roots.
But the chainsaw I grapped, luckily plugged in and within my reach by the front door, came in handy.
For me, not Gus.
He was disarmed.
And the arm itself disappeared into the huge beast's mouth following his "wife" and "son."
I rushed Gus to the hospital. I was the one by his side night and day as he fought for his life.
Listening to him call out for "Baby Augie and what's her name."
Out of danger and still in a coma, I left him there. Not knowing he would awake and having blanked out his first wife and family, take to the sea in search of this villian and his arch enemy, the now famous "blubbery-bastard."
I don't blame Gus for blanking me out. Me as well as his eight first born.
The term unforgivable comes to mind.
So be it.
Evidently he and his blubbery sub-concious have choosen to forget Edna.
God, help me if he ever did remember.
Then he'd probably REALLY be mad at me.
OK, so who needs a drink?
Edna
Oh, have a scotch or three, Edna, and try to relax. Now ask him to clean house. That one's a hoot.
Thanks Mrs. B.
No other comments? I'd think with the truth coming out....everyone would have to put their two cents in?
Maybe more drinks will help.
Wonder if no-one BELIEVES me? Is everyone so taken with Gus.....that they hesitate...to comment?
Guess so.
(Gus always had more charm than was legal.)
Ka sara.
sara.
Edna
miz edna....
after that bit of history, i'm pretty sure no one wants to be on your bad side; i was nervous enough when i realized i'd mixed up a restraining incantation with a love charm.
altho gus worked in the cat food industry, i've lost track of how many lives the man has gone thru to this point. and considerin' the jam he's in at this moment (mr. dan bein' *way* scarier than mo'fritterford or the tortolan navy), why bash the maybe-soon-to-be-departed? *pushes the bottle towards miz edna* the mcfinster brothers said to tell you whatever you have is on them. only, i wouldn't suggest you go out for sushi with them.
snuggs
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