MINUTES, Emergency Meeting of the LEC & TS
November 21, 2004, 5 pm
re: Aid for Gus and Crew, Who Are Up the Proverbial Creek, as We Blog
Chaired: Miz B., Honorary President, LEC & TS
After the serving of refreshments and two VERY well-received songs from the Tunettes (*Rescue Me* for purpose and *It's Raining Men* for inspiration), Miz B. called the emergency meeting of the LEC & TS to order. Reading of the October minutes of the General Meeting was carried out by Miz Myrtle, and accepted. Motion made by Miz Nikola that all discussions of Casino Night, demonstration of new embroidery technique and part 6 of The Lecture Series, *The French Pedicure: More than a Passing Ooh La La*, with guest lecturer Chad the Cabana Boy, be tabled until the next regular meeting. Motion seconded and carried.
Miz B. reported that the sale of valuable old artifacts last week netted approximately 300 pounds, and since the dollar is dropping like a rock, the equivalent amount in US funds is subject to change without notice, but the change is in Gus' favor. It has been deposited in an offshore bank account in Grand Cayman. Friends of hers in the pub-owning line in George Town have confirmed that the funds were received and will act as local agents for any needed supplies and ship's chandlery and what-not should Gus need them.
New Business: There followed a moving testimonial by all and sundry as to the plight of Gus and his crew, and of course little num-nums Bob. Some discussion of tactics followed and all and sundry were resolved to achieve the goal by whatever non-violent means are necessary. Miz. B. noted that she has several friends who keep hotel bars in Washington D.C., the Colonial capital, who have got some dirt ^H^H^H^H information on certain Congressional persons who have something to do with Naval affairs. At the very least it may be possible to cut off at least one-third of Congress, leaving them with no tipple. It was discussed and decided to table the idea of contacting the Naval Criminal Investigative Service, as they have a very big case on their hands related to the unfortunate War. However, a number of sharply worded letters were already written during the letter-writing portion of the meeting to various government entities, and await postage.
A joint motion was made by the McFinster brothers to call in the Scots Haggis Hunter Bikini Team, as the Swedish Bikini Team was currently unavailable. Motion seconded and carried. After a tense 15 minutes while an international phonecall was placed to Glasgow, we were given the disappointing news that The Team was in hot pursuit of a herd of haggis at Inverness Castle and could not currently be dispatched. The offer of assistance was made for next Saturday, should we still need them. We promised to let them know, and were given Sc. B. T. President McGillicuddy's cell and beeper number for future emergencies.
Founding member Kathy Niedtinka, who is a member of Bass Fisherman/Women of America suggested an ambush of BFA members on the Blubbery Bastid. She detailed her plan to arm 24 members with bait-casting stainless steel rods using 42" lures coated with tuna oil. Unfortunately, timely transportation of bass boats and BFA members to Bill's Triangle was unlikely, and the plan--while appreciated--was reluctantly dismissed.
Snuggs mentioned that the Kitty-Sweet Kat Fud Company ought to know that their former employee was in such trouble and wondered if they oughtn't be contacted. There was some discussion as to whether the Kitty-Sweet Kat Fud Company might also like to buy a lot of Grade W "tuna" - several hundred tonnes, it was estimated - for below wholesale in exchange for some kind of assistance or publicity consideration on Gus' behalf. Possible assistance in this endeavor was offered by Miz Kathy.
After some discussion of the idea, Miz Myrtle opined that fall nest-strengthening and winter foraging season will keep her busy, plus she can't get the time off from the hospital that fast.
The ladies of the Grog Shoppe were then polled to see if any of them had a nodding acquaintance with any erm, members of the members of the U.S. or Tortolan Navy who are currently in pursuit of Gus and crew and thereby instigating Whale-Gate. Horny Ken (lured by the promise of a night with a courageously volunteering Tunette) promised to put us in touch with the moles at the National Enquirer before press time. Unfortunately, the conversation completely disintegrated into rather hilarious comparisons of said members and their attendant abilities, and the comments are best not repeated here in these minutes.
Chad noted that Slebrity Cruise Lines (not to be confused with a competing and much more declasse' company) has got a number of steerage cabins available on their upcoming cruise to the edge of Bill's Triangle from Ft. Lauderdale (it's the popular Caymans-Tortola-Guava-Conch route) and wondered if it would be possible to hitch a ride and effect a rescue (he admits he reads the Shipping News want ads in hopes of taking a paying berth as a pedicurist in the off-season. Miz B. forgave him forthwith).
A Tunette put forward a suggestion that perhaps the ASPCA Rat Rescue people might be contacted in the matter of Bob's continued safety, as it appears he is of an extremely rare breed of Norwegian Whitecoated Pinkfoots. Snuggs agreed to this wholeheartedly. Another Tunette offered to write a "reggay" song to be played on Caribbean radio stations in support of Gus, and to start a pledge drive on said radio stations to raise money for a legal defense fund. She "knows a guy" in Tortola broadcasting, a personality called B-Cool Mon. Miz. B reports that her friends the pub owners in George Town probably know a lot of the local sailing gentry, so will ask them to ask their patrons and matrons tune in to Radio Tortola in the hopes of hearing the song and getting caught up in the pledge drive. Posters are being printed courtesy of the local T-shirt shoppe.
Miz Myrtle wondered if there is any evidence in the ruins of Gus' bayside bungalow that might have been missed or misinterpreted and offered to contact CSI: Mendocino. She also noted the Bard Sinister was not present but may be able to offer legal advice pro bono, and should probably be consulted. A phone call to Mark Geragos dashed our hopes of a timely appeal/filed injunction on Gus' behalf, as he is currently preoccupied with Another Appeal.
It was moved by Miz. B and seconded by Snuggs that Something Be Done. Volunteers were asked for and a list of those volunteers are so noted:
Miz B. will coordinate fundage to be deposited in the Cayman's account and set up an Internet Mail round-robin to advise all her pub-owning friends in the Caribbean about the song and the pledge drive and so forth. If time allows, she may try to take that sea cruise. She will also consult with the Bard Sinister regarding any suggestions of legal representation.
Chad will provide immoral support and definately plans to go on the cruise in an attempt to make contact, also drum up support with clients and crew.
Snuggs will contact the Kitty-Sweet Kat Fud Company in re: grade W "tuna" and also the Rat Rescue people. Miz Kathy will co-ordinate the BFA people.
The Tunettes will write the song, perform it at all their gigs, and use their powers of persuasion to ensure local airplay and start the pledge drive.
Miz Myrtle will provide free medical care if needed and try to switch her vacation around, because she's up for a sea cruise. She will also check on that evidence at the Mendocino Crime Lab via a friend from med school, Son of Quincey.
Respectfully submitted,
snuggs
Anyone wishing to volunteer for any of the above propositions is invited to submit their name, moniker, handle, or nom-de-Interweb thingy in the usual manner.
If there is enough interest in the cruise, we may be able to get a group rate (10 cabin minimum at $450 per person quad occupancy, $200 per person deposit due within 7 days, plus port fees and taxes. Insurance strongly recommended. Final payment due on departure, as date is TBA. Credit cards only. All rates in US fundage). If we do manage to scrape up enough people for a group rate, the travel agent tells me she shall donate half of her commission to the Openshaw Defense Fund. All meals included, plus selected events include free drinks. All other bevvys must be purchased on board.
*Cough* Of course, my carry-on luggage would be extremely heavy and fragile. I shall have to tip the porters accordingly if I decide to go.
In any case, if anyone not in attendance has any helpful suggestions, feel free to bung them in where we can see them.
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