After selling the coke to Moses’s connection, Nelson and the boys stopped at a tipple house on Guava Boulevard to toast a job well done. Two of the grogs in the round Nelson bought were laced with a knockout powder...(I'll draw a discreet veil here and give the man some privacy)Not in my house! That adulteration certainly did not occur in my little shop o' grogs (though plenty of other kinds of adulteries have occured here over the years). I only serve up "extras" at the request of the imbiber, and then I watch him (or her!) drink it down right there (or assist by holding the imbiber's nose). I will be having a word with the barmaids on this matter so that we're all on the same piece of parchment - no "extra somethings for my bosom chums and close pals" nonsense.
That is, with the exception of the little drink I like to call the "Bristol UXB:" I ask that my patrons take it out to the back garden before lighting the fuse. Served in plastic go-cups to reduce the chance of injury from shrapnel. Free refills if the cup survives the initial blast (trust me, it won't survive a second).
My cozy little establishment is no mere tipple house... though in strict fairness, it's becoming more of a tittle-tattle house with all the extra staff and their mammalian accoutrements.
But on the subject of dear Gus' latest, it appears that at last they are about to get under weigh and on the hunt again.
5 comments:
miz b, i left the inventory sheets underneath the register. the grand marnier squares up, but you're two bottles short of grey goose and the worm's gone from the tequila bottle again. please discuss this with the second shift. i will, however, admit to emptyin' an entire visine bottle into an 'up against the wall redneck mother' that i made for that travelling salesman last nite. he kept tryin' to reach over the juice gun and make free with my accoutrements. and he forgot to tip. *points to the embroidered plaquard hanging over the kegs:* 'tip me or die of thirst.' you may have noticed that he left shortly after that. in the immortal words of lady day: "god bless the child that's got his own." a girl's got to take care of herself in this business. oh, and miz b? could i possibly have tuesday nites off? that's when my group meets--'the monday on tuesday evening ladies embroidery circle and terrorist society' . i'd be much obliged.
snuggs
snuggs
My dear snuggs,
I shall enquire, but the second shift staff can get a bit shirty about shortages. They were accused (unjustly, as it turned out) when the missing worm was found to have metamorphosed into a butterfly that was drunker than two America West pilots on a 3-day bender. It was cited for flying under the influence and released into the back garden. However, the missing G.G. is a matter of some delicacy. Thank you!
I admire your creativity in the matter of the non-tipper; please add that drink of yours to the list of Very Expensive Cocktails that we offer; we could probably sell a lot of them the next time the Jamaicans drop by with the ganja consignment.
It seems we have the staff to handle every need! And there's plenty of good, clean fun, too; I picked up a used foam machine on my last trip through Ibiza.
Now for some melodies to while away the hours - and I don't mean Lawrence Welk, ladies.
dear miz b.:
what a timely idea! the girls were looking for new digs anyway, since that lil incident down at the library. those darlin' firemen couldn't have been nicer, but to be on the safe side, we'll test all of our erm....toys out in the garden.
would you please add 2 bottles of butterscotch schnaaps, 1 of kahlua, 1 baileys and a bottle of skye vodka to the weekly order? we're that fond of *bit of honey's*; it's a wonderful little shooter---please remind me to add it to the Very Expensive Drinks list. oh, and a gallon of 2% milk as some of our members are watchin' their weight. you may also wish to add 1-2 bottles of either jaegermeister or goldschlager to the order as well. several of our members tend to disrobe after ingesting a couple of shots of either; that can't be bad for business, can it? oh, and the lime jello in the walk in cooler is for the jello wrestling; not to be confuzzled with the jello shots as it contains no alcohol, just grapes & bits of pineapple.
oh, and miz b? the girls have already decided to vote you in as an honorary member at our next meeting. please try and act surprised when you receive your embroidery hoop and pepper spray.
a bien tot,
snuggs
Dearest snuggs,
Well, I... drat it, where is that hanky... I'm most deeply moved by your offer of an honorary membership in the L.E.C.& T.S., as I always regretted that I did not join in the heady days of my gelhood in bartending school. A wave of nostalgia is about to wash over me, so we'd best batten down the hatches and have ourselves a good cry (incidentally, might as well polish off the old near-dead soldiers).
You're all hired. Again. A hearty cheer for clever Gus and hope that he reigns victorious, and so to bed.
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