Please chalk up your drinks and snacks as you see fit. I regret to say that we are completely out of pickled eggs and pig's feet, by order of the Department of Health.
Proposals of marriage will be ruthlessly purged. All others at the discretion of the Proprietress.
Spare a thought for Gus and his whale-killing band of sea-dogs, stuck in durance vile... and soon to appear in an untitled maritime-themed direct-to-video project.
5 comments:
Marriage??? Not meaning any disrespect, ma'am, but you're not my type. I'm sure your a nice woman, though. You have a nice blog. I am more concerned for Gus's predicament, and what he will do next.
Best Regards,
MD (not a title)
Quite all right. I share your concern for Gus; one gets the mental image of them all standing frozen, waiting for the other nipple-clamp to drop.
dear miz b:
since i generally prefer to conduct business fully....erm, alright, *marginally* dressed, i was wondering if you might have a bartending position available? my martinis are bodacious, my knowledge of wines prodigious and my russian quaaludes have caused gay men to change sexual allegiance and propose marriage on the spot. an early encounter with baton twirling (as most females of southern sensibilities can relate to) has strengthened the subtle muscles necessary to pour a fine mug/bong of draught. i could speak to my yoga instructor about that upside down thing. i am also a fine cook and speak two languages fluently (english and french) and bits and pieces of 3 others (italian, japanese and german). i work well with animals, two and four-legged. the critter-sitting season tends to drop off just after labor day, and i really need something to fill my days besides being a horticultural tech and reading blogs.
i anxiously await your reply by return post.
very sincerely yours,
snuggs
Dear snuggs,
You're hired - when can you start? And do you do flaming batons? For that would make a spectacular finish when serving mai-tais.
dear miz b:
oh thank you, thank you! *wipes a grateful tear* just allow me to finish sitting the current crop of critters, and i'm yours to command. and yes, i did twirl fire batons (and hoop baton as well, which might be handy should you ever have a *50's* party, or stock up on the goldschlager and jaegermeister)---i once set my ass on fire during the middle of a half-time routine, but did no permanent damage. but i digress. i might mention that i come complete with a bar cat (actually several of them, and they will work for mice) so perhaps we can clear up that pesky lil sanitation problem and recommence serving pickled eggs and pigs feet. even tho', as a southerner, i've never been able to understand the allure of pigs feet. you might wish to discuss a purchase of un petit peu de Tod with Mr. Gus, as i have a really unique drying rack that might be used to make whale jerky...just the thing for your establishment! pardon me, i do go on, but you have no idea how excited i am! *fans self* please do not hesitate to contact me should you wish to discuss further details.
yours 'in the cups',
snuggs
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